Tag Archives: parenting
The Go-To Mom discusses the four most common parenting mistakes you don’t want to make on an appearance of ABC’s “View From the Bay.”
For more great parenting tips, check out Kimberley’s book at www.TheGoToMomsGuide.com.
At the end of the day, what parents really want is to feel a real, deep and lasting emotional bond with their kids.
There are seven simple ways that you can work toward building a deep, emotional bond with your kids from playtime to down time, read on for how you can get connected right now.
1. Make time for playtime. One of the best ways that parents can connect with their children is through play. Not only does play release energy and provide opportunities to be involved in a child’s world, it is also how children process their inner feelings and work out their little-kid real-life issues. Parents who take the time to play with their children strengthen their understanding of their children’s emotional world. True emotional connections are made when parents get down on the floor and play with their kids. Drink imaginary tea, build the Lego castle and piece together those puzzles. Your bond with your child will be all the better for it.
2. Plug in … emotionally. Children can experience a wide range of emotions each day from happy to sad, frustrated to triumphant — what may seem to us a trivial moment can be a big deal for them. Parents have to make the effort to “plug in” to what their children are feeling, and that understanding what they are feeling and why can create a
3. Build in a few extra minutes to your day. Whether you are rushing out the door for school in the morning, loading up for big brother’s baseball practice, or just heading out to run errands, building in a few minutes can make transitions much less painful for both you and your children and can provide crucial opportunities for bonding.
If you can make it into the car you have an opportunity to spend those extra 10 or 15 minutes really talking with your kids. Dissect their days, talk through any emotions or feelings they may be experiencing. Or, use the time as an opportunity to turn up some tunes and sing out loud together — letting go and being silly with your kids is a great way to bond emotionally.
4. Fess up when you slip up. Nobody’s perfect. As parents it’s a given that we will make mistakes as we learn and grow alongside of our kids. But it’s important to remember that in addition to teaching our children, we are also serving as their constant role models. And that includes admitting when you’re wrong and saying that you’re sorry.
When “fessing up,” be specific, identify the behaviors for which you are apologizing, and share the feelings you were experiencing at the time and how you felt afterwards. Your mistakes and shortcomings can serve as a wonderful opportunity for you to be a good role model.
5. Let your kids be themselves. Have you ever stopped to consider how your children’s individual temperaments affect the way you connect with one another? You have to respect your children for who they are — and that includes honoring the ways they are different from one another and different from you. As hard as it can sometimes be to let go, giving your children the freedom to be themselves can help them to grow and develop as people, and it will also strengthen the connection and bond between you. When we honor our children, they in turn honor us. Children who are respected and emotion coached can be incredibly resourceful.
6. Replace your anger with empathy. When tantrums take over and tempers flare, it can be a constant challenge to keep your cool. Pick your battles and know that nothing is so important that it warrants extreme anger and coerciveness with your child. Being honest with your child is more effective than hauling off on her. Children who are raised in homes where empathy is the norm are usually empathetic to their parents, and this creates a happier environment for everyone.
7. Take time for yourself on a regular basis. On special holidays like Mother’s Day, moms will often be treated to breakfast in bed, a day at the spa, or maybe even a little free time to do something for themselves. It doesn’t always have to be a big event — tacking on 30 extra minutes to an errand to grab a latte or flip through magazines at the bookstore can work wonders for restoring your sanity and recharging your batteries. If we don’t take time for ourselves, we will eventually lash out at our loved ones, and that will prevent you from having the connection and bond with your children that you long for.
Copyright 2010, K.Blaine, from her book, www.TheGoToMomsGuide.com.
Watch Kat from www.MamaKatsLosinIt.com and Kimberley discuss the two sides of mommyhood. One day with the kids can be peachy and the next day leaving us with the emotional aftermath of a tornado. What do you do to keep your mommy sanity when you know that your kids won’t always be predictable? Do you go with the flow or lose it?
Follow Kat on Twitter @MamaKatsLosinIt
Follow Kimberley on Twitter @TheGoToMom
From Hollywood to Mommyhood, Nicole Richie has really made a name for herself. She’s an author, entrepreneur, clothing designer and mommy of two little children. I was invited by Yahoo! to interview Nicole as she launches their Yahoo! mail campaign. Time and Yahoo! have produced 3 videos of Nicole on the site plus a sweepstakes where users can win prizes including clothing and accessories from Nicole’s fashion line. Even though the program just started her fans have already begun to spread the word! Take a look: https://personallyyoursyahoomail.com/ – By the way, her clothing line, Winter Kate is truly amazing. I could wear it every day of my mama life!
Ah ha! I love that everywhere I go I can see what my friends like! Once you sign into Facebook, do a search on Bing and it will show you what your Facebook friends like right by the product or service you’re looking at — so you receive personalized search results based on the opinions of your friends. Very cool!
Bing has made my life a lot easier! I make most of my decisions online, and now I never have to shop alone again! With Bing, I can build a shopping list and share, compare and discuss it with my Facebook friends. From finding the best prices, to getting reviews from your friends you know and trust, Bing has you covered!
This episode is sponsored in part by Microsoft Bing. The Go-To Mom Productions/Kimberley Blaine was compensated for this promotional video. Kimberley will only promote, endorse and support companies she believes to have the highest standards in products and/or services that contribute to the well-being of families with young children.
When it’s so dang hot outdoors I have to come up with innovative ways to get my kids moving and grooving so that they get the appropriate exercise their little bodies need. First off, we go outside in the heat for only a little while and play with ice cube in a big bucket. Then we come in and set up safe obstacle course made of pillows, soft balls and toys. Luckily we have long hallways for which they can run up and down without knocking things down.
Fun Games to Play Indoors
1. Sharks and Alligators: Place mats or pillows all over the house and have kids jump from pillow to pillow to keep from getting snapped up by the sharks or allegators!
2. Hall-Way Toss: Have kids sit at each end of the hallway with a stash of soft balls. They can toss one at a time to eachother or throw all of the balls at once. Fun, crazy and wild!
3. Duck, duck, goose: Do I really need to explain this?
4. Pillow Relay Race: Have children stack pillows up to chest (so they can see) and have them race to see how many pillows drop on the way to the finish line. Or see how many times they can run back and forth without dropping the pillows.
5. Balloon Volleyball: Bat a balloon around and try to keep it off the floor, this is a great cardio exercise for kids and parents!
For more great parenting tips, check out Kimberley’s book, www.TheGoToMomsGuide.com.
Saying good-bye is hard to do, especially if you’re the parent of a small child who suffers from separation anxiety. Parenting expert and author Kimberley Clayton Blaine says there is good reason behind your toddler’s tears and offers up helpful solutions for making your “so long’s” a little less stressful.
If you haven’t had that tinge of separation anxiety yet, you’ll have your turn! Whether it’s you or your baby who’s suffering – we’re all bound to feel it at some point…It’s the moment every parent of a small child dreads: the good-bye. For parents of young children it can be a gut-wrenching, heart aching, guilt-ridden moment full of tears, protests, and quick getaways. Separation anxiety can ruin your workday, put a damper on your (rare!) dinner out, and keep you trapped to your house (and chained to your toddler). But parenting expert Kimberley Clayton Blaine says that doesn’t have to be the case- and there are some simple solutions that can make saying good-bye a little easier for both the kids and the parents involved.
Babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as six months, but young children can experience it at almost any age. One of the hardest scenarios for parents to deal with is dropping their clingy and crying toddler off at daycare. It can tug at your heartstrings and make you doubt yourself and your decisions. But the good news is that separation anxiety will pass- and there are some simple solutions to help you get to that point. Toddlers, she says, understand about people leaving before they learn about people returning- and they can tell from your actions that you’re about to leave. So for most children (and their parents) anxiety begins to build even before you’ve stepped one foot out the door.
Separation anxiety can show up in many forms. Your child may cry when you leave the room or refuse to be put down if she knows you’ll be leaving. Some children will even go so far as to follow their parents into every room all day long. It can be both frustrating and sad for parents when they feel as though they are causing their children sadness. But the good news is that there are some tricks to help you both feel better about times of separation.
For more great parenting tips check out Kimberley’s book, www.TheGoToMomsGuide.com.
It’s no secret that motherhood is hard work. That doesn’t mean we can’t ask for a little help! If you’re a mom who also works part-time or who is running an online business, that asking for help is a must. You may not be comfortable asking someone, but give it a try, you may be surprised just how many people say yes. In my new book I go into detail on how to ask for help without the guilt!
Whining is a normal part of the four to seven year old’s life, and it’s probably one of the most annoying behaviors for adults to have to encounter. Children whine for many reasons: when they’re tired, hungry, bored, and lonely or when they need a little love and attention. It’s important to encourage children to reduce their whining when they’re young; you don’t want them to use whining as a form of communication as they get older. Looking for patterns is key. Your child may whine if you take them on errands that are close to lunch or naptime, if you haven’t heard their first request — or if they’re overdressed and can’t express their discomfort. When children wake up they’re often discombobulated and whine because they’re not fully awake. Don’t take it personally, just be patient and offer a healthy snack and love.
Ask your child to use their ‘regular’ voice because it’s hard to understand them when they speak in that tone. Thank them for speaking normally to you – let them know you truly appreciate it. If they love to whine, because sometimes it has a cathartic release, tell them they can whine in the privacy of their own room. But you really need them to use their regular voice when they need you.
For more great parenting tips, read Kimberley’s book www.TheGoToMomsGuide.com.
I just recently saw a promo for this show. I was completely shocked and saddened….
All of us need to take a stand and demand that TLC/Discovery Channel stop this public exploitation and degradation of little children! My heart sunk when I saw a sweet innocent toddler in her footie-pajamas getting a hair extension attached to her head. The clincher was seeing a tiny three-year-old getting her blue corset laced up. All these images are on the TLC/Discovery website.
Why does Toddlers and Tiaras exist? Trying to watch Super Nanny is troubling enough but I get even more distraught and outraged as these moms hover over their JonBenet look-a-likes applying spray tans and gluing on false eye-lashes. Some of the moms make their toddlers diet and dye their hair – all of this only sends the message, you’re only valued if you change all the natural things about yourself.
Sexualizing young kids — specifically toddlers, is unconscionable.
Anyone who’s raised a toddler knows how difficult it is to get them to do anything. They use their newfound independence to explore the world, test their power and see where their ingenuity takes them. How in the world can these beauty-pageant toddlers develop normally when their moms force them to perform like show-ponies?
Watching my toddler brings me immense joy as he peacefully explores his world on his own timetable. It would be preposterous to make him walk down a runway, masquerading as a grownup with the expectation of entertaining adults. It’s sick and pathological.
Toddlers and Tiara’s exploits the kids, but it’s the mothers who need help. They live vicariously through their offspring and feel if they can’t achieve the gold medal, their kid should. These moms define their success and self-worth through their child’s accomplishments. Toddlers aren’t supposed to accomplish anything. They have the first five years of life to run, paint, explore, laugh and play — because once Kindergarten comes around, the expectations start to kick in.
So why do these mothers come down so hard on their toddlers? Why don’t they see how wrong and coercive it is when they enroll their babies in these events that are a variant of pornography? The cameras on this show capture real moments between parents and their children – there’s no creative editing. When a toddler has had enough and doesn’t want to perform, they breakdown and cry while getting hostile treatment and rejection from their parent.
In everyday life, a kid usually gets in trouble for misbehaving, but this situation, toddlers get punished for not living out their parent’s dream. I do hope my concerns convey the serious long-term psychological damage these parent’s are causing their little girls.
If you hit an adult it’s called battery, if you hit an animal it’s called cruelty, but if you hit a child it’s considered discipline. Nothing illustrates this better than the recent story of Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons quarterback who went to prison for a year and a half due to his involvement in a dog-fighting ring. Vick was vilified nationally as stories of abuse, torture and execution of under-performing dogs came to light.
The Humane Society of the United State (HSUS) goes to great lengths–working with lawmakers, law enforcement officers, community organizers, and others to protect animals from abuse. Yet there aren’t similar standards for those who exploit very young children. We have child labor laws but no laws to protect the young from being ‘Adultified.’ Beauty pageants shouldn’t encourage families with toddlers and preschoolers to participate in something that affects a child’s normal social development or that strains the parent-child relationship. Pageant standards need to be re-written to ensure that contestants are not paraded on stage in a way that sexualizes them to look like adults.
Making children participate in inappropriate Vegas/showgirl-like events, then punishing them with psychological head-trips for not performing, may not fit the standard definition of child abuse, but in my profession, it would surly be considered wrongful and coercive parenting. What child can thrive under those conditions?
Many Facebook pages exist asking TLC to stop production, such as this one that I’m a member of: “Help Ban the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras.” Their description: “These girls are scantily clad, painted up like dolls, making them look too mature for their age. These children are being exploited by these pageants and by the show. This show is promoting pedophilia, and is very much sexualizing these children.”
If you want your kid to be a beauty queen wait until she’s old enough to make the decision on her own. Very young children should enjoy their childhood without the responsibilities of an adult. Some people lost their childhood due to unfortunate circumstance, but these kids don’t have a childhood because they came out of the womb, were weaned off a bottle and tossed on to the catwalk.
Sadly, this level of discrete child abuse exists whether it’s televised or not. A show like Toddlers and Tierra’s only serves to mass market what should instead be viewed as a blight on childhood.
Kimberley Clayton Blaine is the author of the Go-To Mom book series. She’s the mom of two young kids, a parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the executive producer of a webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education.