Sorting Out the Supernanny on Negative Messages
By Dr. Ann Corwin
This week, the Super Nanny, once again decided to educate with negative messages. Rules are necessary, but if all the ‘rules’ are defined with a “No or Don’t” what kids learn is that they get attention from their parents if they misbehave. For example, Jo Frost says post rules saying, “No jumping on the furniture or no name calling”. So the conversation in the household surrounds the “bad” behavior or what kids shouldn’t do.
Rules should be what parents want their kids to do, not what they don’t want!
For example, say this instead, “Furniture is for sitting, with your ‘bum’ touching the seat and listening to a book”.
My next point is controversial but needs to be said, “Parents do not need to be ‘on the same page’ when it comes to raising their children. Dad’s give very different gifts to their children than moms and that is the way it should be”.
Yes, Jo, they should compliment each other, but mom can be ‘passive, soft and protective’ and still be effective with discipline. But, that being said I must say a BIG thanks Jo for pointing out vividly that “Dads being intimating to their kids is NOT being a MAN”!
Once again I am compelled to remind those who watch this prime time show that getting in your kids faces when they are doing behavior that you don’t want, only makes your kids do it all the more.
So, don’t give them ‘chances and choices’ like the 3rd time they get out of bed is when mom and dad really mean to stop getting up. Give them the limit the first time, so they won’t be so confused about what they are supposed to do.
Also, be sure to give your kids ‘comfort measures’ to teach them ‘how to’ get to sleep. After all, as adults, we all use some sort of comfort to learn to drift off to sleep, like TV, a good book or favorite pillow to hug.
Lastly, remember if you use ‘time out’ to change behavior.
It is never the place you put your kids or the amount of time they spend there, but your interaction with them when they behave in a loving, helpful and respectful way. In other words, teach your kids that they get an awesome relationship with you when they follow your rules!
Missed you last week, but was celebrating yet another year of my happy life, with my twenty something kids and husband of 30 years.
Until next week remember to move closer to your kids when they are doing the stuff you want them to do, move away when they don’t behave and when your conflict is over be sure to tell them how proud they should be of themselves that they stopped, Dr. Ann Corwin
Visit Dr. Ann, at www.TheParentingDoctor.com
